I work on a Women's Health floor at a hospital. We care for women of all ages and stages in their lives. We care for mostly c-section mom's, hysterectomy's, all kinds of repair work. If a procedure can be preformed on a woman, we get it.
We also care for mom's who have suffered IUFD (late term). You never get used to it. And really, there's no way to cope with it. These are good people ready to welcome a new baby into their families. Sometimes, there are reasons for the losses-cord accidents or genetic issues. But sometimes, there isn't a reason for the loss at all. It's devastating beyond words.
They come in spurts. We are in the middle of one right now. We have seen twelve in the past two weeks. That is a lot.
I can't care for these patients right now for obvious reasons, but I know they are there. Counting my own baby's kicks makes me anxious. Sometimes, I'm convinced that I will lose my own son. I can't sleep, it's hard to function throughout the day. Because of this, I haven't really done a thing to get ready for his arrival.
I have a list of things to buy for him. I look at it every day, telling myself that I will get it all accomplished a week before his arrival. Reality is, I probably won't get everything ready until the day before my induction date. That is about my comfort zone right now.
I am just feeling as if I can't get attached until he is hopefully here safe and sound.
Makes you sick, doesn't it?
